


You are my home

by Desirae



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergent, Canon verse, Castiel Whump, Castiel/Dean Winchester in the Bunker, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Post Season 11, Profound Bond, Protective Dean Winchester, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-13
Updated: 2016-10-13
Packaged: 2018-08-22 05:02:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8273884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Desirae/pseuds/Desirae
Summary: “Cas? Hey buddy, wake up.”Castiel blinked his eyes open slowly, looking up at Dean owlishly before jolting up, nearly clipping Dean’s jaw on the way.“Hey, hey,” Dean said, concern lacing his tone. “You okay, man?”Castiel cleared his throat. “Yes. My apologies, Dean.”“S’okay. You wanna tell me why you’re sleeping in Baby?” Things have settled down since rescuing Sam. Mary is bonding with her sons, and Castiel is nearly back to full capacity, just needing a little sleep here and there. When Dean discovers Cas' unusual resting spot, what starts as a series confessions leads to the emotional healing they both needed.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sam661187](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sam661187/gifts).



> This is for Bekki, based on her prompt, wanting some closure and comfort for our boys. Hope it lives up to the expectations.  
> Apologies for any mistakes, feel free to let me know if I missed something. I hope you enjoy
> 
> And thank you to my lovely friend [Zoelily](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoelily/pseuds/Zoelily) for catching some embarrassingly blatant spelling mistakes. Check out her Destiel&Cockles fics, they're fab:)I
> 
> You can find me here on [Twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/DesiraeSterite) and [Tumblr](https://desiraelovesdestiel.tumblr.com)
> 
>    
> [](http://imgur.com/dVdJ57l)

Dean’s bare feet echoed softly on the cold floor of the bunker. His boxers and soft grey tee shirt were covered up by his ‘dead guy’ robe. Since having his mother back, it felt a little strange to wander around underdressed. Plus, let's face it, he just really liked the robe.

A quick glance at his watch told Dean that it was nearly 1am. He was so used to only getting about four hours of sleep, he found it hard to get to bed early. Ever since Chuck and Amara had left to play happy family, and had surprised him and Sam with the return of their mother, things had been a little… quiet. Not that that was necessarily a bad thing. Being able to go more than one day without having to hunt something down was like mini vacation, after the whole ‘kidnapped Sam’ debacle. Dean and Castiel and Mary had managed to rescue Sam from the British men of letters, and form a tentative alliance.

Though Cas was still grounded, he was nearly at full capacity. His strength was back, his healing powers nearly intact. With the heavy strain of housing Lucifer in his body, Cas still found he needed to rest a little each day. But he had gone from needing six hours of sleep a day to only needing four and Dean was encouraged, predicting that soon he would be back to needing none. But for now, the angel should be snoozing away with the rest of the people in the bunker.

Like Dean should have been.

Instead, he was doing what he had been doing every night, since Sam’s safe return, and Mary’s reappearance. He was manning the fort, so to speak. Doing his nightly walk through, rechecking locks he knew were locked, sigils he knew were intact. Peeking in on his mother, his brother and his angel, making sure that they were safe and sound. Keeping what was left of his family together, that was Dean’s goal. And he would do so. He would protect them all with his last breath.

Dean walked quietly down the corridor, and made his way to his mother’s door. He pushed it open gently, and saw her curled up, sound asleep. He noted his father’s journal on the bed next to her. She had fallen asleep reading it again. Dean knew she was using it to learn about the man his father had become once she had been taken from him. Dean only wished it would give her comfort, instead of the pain he suspected it caused instead.

Dean checked in on Sammy next, chuckling softly when he saw his gigantor of a brother sprawled across his bed. His arm was flung over his face and Sam was snoring loud enough to wake the dead. He couldn’t believe this was the same guy who used to crawl into bed with him as a kid, to hide from storms and bad dreams. Dean felt a wave of affection wash over him as he saw his brother laying there, warm and safe.

Lastly, he went to the room across the hall from his. Castiel hadn’t nested the way that Dean had, but he had added a few of his own touches to his room. A television and a DVD player, some documentaries on bees and the _Blue Planet_ series. A few books on gardening and guinea pig care, a goofy picture Jody took one time of Cas, Sam, Claire and himself. It wasn’t a lot, but it meant something that Castiel felt at home enough to make the room his own. The thought of Castiel leaving left Dean with a hollow feeling in his gut and a painful clench in his heart. Dean had long since stopped lying to himself about the depth of his feelings toward the dorky little angel he called his best friend and brother. His feelings towards Castiel were anything but brotherly. But that was a problem for another day.

Dean carefully turned the knob to Cas’ door, and eased it open. He poked his head in, intending to find the angel all tucked in, arm up under the pillow, blankets up to the neck. Instead, he found an empty bed. Dean left the door open as he went on a search of the bunker, softly calling Cas’ name, not wanting to yell and wake the others. Dean checked the kitchen, the library, the archive room, the roof terrace and even the dungeon. A sense of dread pooled in his stomach as each room he checked turned up empty.

 _Where are you, Cas?_ Became the running chant in Dean’s mind as he tried to think of what could have made his friend leave without telling him. The bunker was warded, even more so now than it had ever been, after what had happened to Sam. So Castiel had to have left on his own. Had Dean done something wrong? Had Cas somehow read Dean’s mind? Was he uncomfortable around him now? Did it freak him out and he decided to leave to save Dean from the embarrassment of unreturned feelings? Dean realized his mind was spinning and he was starting to let his thoughts go a little overboard, so he took a deep breath. _Okay. Breathing is good._

Dean decided he would get in the Impala and go for a drive to see if he could find him. Not that he really knew where to look first. Dean ran back to his room to pull on a pair of pants, socks and his boots. He grabbed his keys and headed out to the garage to start Baby. Dean hurried over to the driver side and stopped dead.

There was Cas, curled up in the backseat, asleep. Dean allowed his heart rate to settle a bit, air whooshing out of his lungs. Fuck, if he didn’t feel a little light headed. He wanted to be annoyed at Cas for scaring him to death, but looking at him lying there, head on his rolled up trench coat as a makeshift pillow, he just couldn’t muster up the proper annoyance. Dean quietly clicked open the door before leaning down towards Cas’ face. He fought the urge to brush his fingers across the five o’clock shadow blanketing Castiel’s cheeks, and instead, just gently shook his shoulder.

“Cas? Hey buddy, wake up.”

Castiel blinked his eyes open slowly, looking up at Dean owlishly before jolting up, nearly clipping Dean’s jaw on the way.

“Hey, hey,” Dean said, concern lacing his tone. “You okay, man?”

Castiel cleared his throat. “Yes. My apologies, Dean.”

“S’okay. You wanna tell me why you’re sleeping in Baby?”

Castiel’s wide blue eyes searched his, and Dean could see that he was pleading without words. He wasn’t ready to discuss it. Well, that was okay.

“Come on. Come watch some Netflix with me,” Dean said, standing up, knees popping as he did so. Castiel smiled gratefully at him. They walked in silence back into the bunker and down the hall to Dean’s room. They toed off their shoes, and Dean used the remote to turn on the TV. He found a documentary about blue whales and killed the lights. Still, neither of them spoke as they climbed onto Dean’s memory foam, leaning on each other as they listened to information on migration patterns. When Castiel fell asleep on Dean’s shoulder, the hunter just continued to watch the show.

 

The next night it happened again, and Castiel still wasn’t ready to talk. So Dean talked instead. They were side by side on the bed, shoeless, in the dark, with _Chuck_ on the tv. Cas had again ditched his trench coat.

“I’m sorry, you know.” Dean’s voice was quiet and Cas turned to look at him, head tilted quizzically.  
  
“For what, Dean?”

“For a lot of things,” he chuckled ruefully, “but right now I am talking about for when I had the mark. For what I did to you. We never really talked about it and… “

“It’s alright, Dean,” Cas said. And his voice was soothing. Dean almost wanted to take the out. But he didn’t.

“No, Cas, it’s not. What I did to you? It makes me sick. You know, for days afterward, I would have these little hallucinations. I’d look at the mirror, or in a window, and there you would be. Staring back at me, bruised and bloody. I am more sorry than you could ever know,” Dean’s voice was heavy with shame.

“I know you didn’t mean to do it, Dean.”

Dean snorted inelegantly. “You sound like a battered housewife. _He didn’t meant to do it, he was just drunk_.”

“Well, in a way you were.”

“Cas, I still have nightmares about what I did to you. There is no way you didn’t experience some trauma from it too. It’s okay to be mad at me for it. You can feel however you want to about it.”

Castiel placed a gentle hand on Dean’s knee. “I appreciate that Dean, truly. And I know how sorry you are. You are right. I did experience, some, I guess you would call it PTSD. But I promise you, I forgave you for what you did, even as you were doing it.”

Dean wiped a stray tear that he wasn't even aware of crying, and huffed out a laugh. “Not sure if that makes me feel better or worse, but thanks Cas."

This time, it was Dean who fell asleep on Cas’ shoulder first.

 

The next night, Castiel just went to Dean’s room automatically. They settled next to each other and Dean decided on _The X-Files_. As Mulder answered a knock with the famous _Nobody down here but the FBI’s most unwanted_ , Cas cleared his throat, obviously gearing up to say something.

“Did I ever tell you that when Naomi brainwashed me, she had me kill you, over and over again?”

Dean’s mouth opened and closed at that, not sure what to say.

“Over and over,” Cas continued, as Dean remained silent, gaping like a fish. “Just a parade of righteous men for me to cut down, until it got to the point where it was second nature.”

Dean’s voice was hoarse when he finally spoke.”Is that why it was so hard to get through to you in the crypt? Because you were trying to fight the urge to kill me?”

Castiel’s breath hitched. “It was like I was watching from another place. In a way, I was. Part of me was down in that crypt with you, and the other part was in heaven, screaming at Naomi to not make me do it. Telling her that you were a good man.”

Dean reached over and clasped Cas’ fingers, that had begun to clench and unclench in the blankets.

“She was screaming at me to kill you, and I saw myself, hands striking out, and you on your knees, but then… “

“But then I told you I needed you, and that you were family.”

“Yes,” Castiel said, and it came out as a sigh.

“If it means anything, I forgave you for that too,” Dean said with a soft smile. Cas smiled back and squeezed his fingers.

Neither said anything when they woke in the morning, hands still clasped. Instead, they began their day as usual and Sam found them a case. A haunting three hours away in Oakley, Kansas. Mary decided that she would go, because she wanted to spend time with her boys, and Castiel decided to go, for Dean.

 

The panic attack happened after the routine salt and burn.

The house in Oakley had been bought and sold over and over, four times in the past two years. All of the former tenants had reported the same thing. Opening and closing doors, shadow figures, objects moving. Sometimes more aggressive, with biting and scratching. A few times, the gas stove had been turned on.The last family that had lived in the house had been so freaked out that they just packed up and never came back, only taking their clothes and some personal belongings with them.They left furniture, a full fridge, a television and a month's worth of prepaid electricity and cable. Which was why it had become a squatters paradise. Police were constantly chasing vagrants and teenagers out of the vacant home. Boarding the doors and the windows had done nothing to deter them. Though the paranormal activity had scared some of them away.

Sam had traced the original owners back to Cora and Bennett Matthews. They had owned the property for close to thirty years. They were 54 and 55 respectively, when they passed away in the home. Carbon monoxide poisoning due to a gas leak from a new stove. The couple had no children and was survived only by Cora’s brother, Jonah, who had passed away himself just the year before.

After flipping a coin, it was decided that Dean and Mary would check the house, make sure it had the all clear, while Sam and Cas made their way to the local cemetery for a quick salt and burn of the couples bones. They’d managed to get it done rather quickly, but not before the ghosts had had a little fun with Dean and Mary. Cora and Bennett had no desire to leave their home, and even less to see someone else live in it. When it had become clear what was going to happen, they had taken matters into their own hands, so to speak, by lighting the stove and sending the kitchen curtains onto the open flame. Dean and Mary were relieved to see the spectres disappear, burned away before their eyes a moment later. Knowing that Castiel and Sam had managed to get to the bones, he sent Mary outside and attempted to rein in the fire. Unfortunately, it was spreading too fast,and being next to that stove was making him nervous. Going out the front was a no go at that point, so Dean had made his way to the back.

When Sam and Cas pulled onto the dead end road to pick up the older Winchesters, they were stunned to see the house engulfed in flames. What was worse, only Mary could be seen outside, giving the house wide berth. Castiel had stumbled out of the car in a blind panic, screaming Dean’s name over and over, as he barrelled his way through Sam to get to the house.

It wasn’t until Dean was right in front of him, having run out from the back, that Castiel stopped yelling, voice hoarse. Dean manhandled him back, until the angel was across the road with Mary and Sam.

“Cas! Hey, hey! Cas, I’m right here, okay?” Dean’s voice was a little panicked as he tried to get Castiel to register his presence.The angel appeared to be looking right through him, and it wasn’t until Dean gripped Castiel’s face in his hands, that Cas came back to reality.

“Dean?” Cas whispered, cocking his head in question. Dean heaved a sigh of relief.

“Yeah, buddy.”

Castiel’s tongue came out to wet his lips. “I thought I was too late. I didn’t see you. We pulled up, and there were all these flames, and I can’t fly. I can’t fly, and there was only Mary and-” Cas’ voice was rapidly becoming more and more agitated and Dean just reached out and pulled him in. He’d read somewhere that applying pressure helped stave off panic attacks, and that certainly looked to be like what was happening to Castiel in that moment. Dean rubbed his back soothingly and he could feel Cas’ fingers grip the flannel of his shirt as he hung on.

“My apologies,” Castiel mumbled into Dean’s neck, and he chuckled.

“S’okay, Cas. we all got shit to deal with, sometimes.”

Dean noticed his mother move forward, as though to come help and was grateful when Sammy pulled her back. “Right now he just wants Dean,” he heard his brother say quietly. After a few more moments, Cas pulled back, an almost shy smile pulling at his lips. No one said anything when Dean climbed in the back seat with Castiel, and tossed Baby’s keys to Sam.

“Let’s get outta here, Sammy. Someone will have seen the flames, or smelled the smoke. We don’t wanna be here when the cavalry comes.” Dean said, as Cas leaned against him, silently. They were a few minutes down the road, when sirens could be heard.

 

“When you left to fight Amara that day, it was everything I could do not to stop you.”

It was nearly midnight, and Castiel and Dean had been huddled together on the memory foam, watching old episodes of _Destination Truth_ , laughing at the attempts to track a _Yeti_. Castiel’s words had Dean pressing mute on the remote. He turned to give the angel his full attention.

“I had never wished so hard for my wings to be healed, because I wanted nothing more than to spirit you away.”

“Cas… “

“I know that’s selfish. I do. But still, I would have, if I could have gotten away with it.” Castiel sighed and surprised Dean by lacing their fingers together. “When I knew it was over, and I could still feel you… I thought I had broken again. I thought my mind was betraying me, cruelly. As though it were just holding onto the memory of our connection, just to torture me.”

Castiel looked Dean in the eyes, and Dean could see his own mirrored there in the storm. Cas gave a soft laugh as he continued.

“Then, there you were, striding through the bunker, telling your Mother not to harm me, that I was family.”

Dean chuckled. “Stop, or my mom will shoot,” he joked, and Cas’ mouth pulled up in a half smile, eyes alight with mirth.

“I understood that reference,” he replied loftily.

For a moment, it was quiet again. Dean found that he couldn’t quite get close enough to Cas, and wound an arm around his shoulders,as they mindlessly watched the television,each in thought.

“Sometimes I think I feel our bond too,” Dean finally said, eyes still locked on the screen. “When you’re not around, I feel, uh, kind of-God this sounds so girly-but I feel incomplete. And when I’m missing you, I get this weird feeling, like this tingling. Sometimes, it’s even a sharp pain,” Dean braved a look at Cas and found himself locked in his cobalt gaze.

“What you are feeling? It’s me, missing you too. It’s me, feeling your longing, and mine echoing back to you. Have you not figured it out yet, Dean?”

Dean swallowed harshly. “What?” he rasped out.

“Why I was sleeping in the car?” Cas asks, and Dean shook his head no.

“It’s because of you, Dean. Because your essence permeates every inch of the interior.”

Dean raised his brows. “Are you saying you slept in the car because she smells like me?”

Cas gave a snort of laughter. “In a way. It’s comforting. It soothed me, when I would wake from nightmares, to be there, essentially surrounded by you. It smells like home to me. You, Dean. You are my home. And despite your longing, despite knowing that you ache for me, as I ache for you, I did not think you were ready to hear it out loud. Not without... ”

“Without me losing my shit?” Dean said, and this time when Cas laughed, it was loud and hearty. Castiel smiles at Dean fondly.

“Your way with words is poetry.”

“And your sarcasm has vastly improved,” Dean leaned forward till their foreheads were pressed together. “How long have you known?”

“A long time,” Cas whispered.

“Were you ever going to clue me in?” There was slight censure in Dean’s voice, but he wasn’t mad.

“Honestly? I don’t know. Feeling your emotions, knowing you felt for me as I do for you, was almost as painful as it was euphoric,” Castiel said, and he gripped Dean’s hands as the hunter tried to pull away. “No, wait. I’m not explaining this right.”

Dean stopped struggling to get away. “Okay, Cas, just take your time.”

“You see, it’s one thing to know something, and be happy about it, and quite another to know something and feel despair. You have these feelings for me. But they are paired with hopelessness. How could I speak to you about our love for one another, when the very fact that you want me makes you so unhappy?”

Dean sucked in a breath as Castiel’s words sucker punched him in the gut. Dean pulled his hands from Cas’ grasp and brought them up to cup his face.

“You listen to me, okay? My despair, or whatever it was you felt? That had nothing to do with being unhappy about loving you,” Dean tipped his head back and laughed softly. “Damn, it feels good to say that out loud. I love you. I have loved you for a long time. Hell, obviously you know that, since you’ve been reading me like you’re one of the fricken _X-Men_ ,”

“Then what... “

“I didn’t think you felt the same way.”

“Dean, how could you not? After everything we’ve been through?” Castiel’s voice held genuine shock.

“I knew that you cared about me, that you loved me, and Sam. But I thought it was familial. I didn’t think it was romantic. I didn’t even know if you _could_ feel that way, as an angel anyway.”

“Is that why you went out of your way to let me know I was a brother to you,” Castiel teased lightly and Dean’s face flushed.

“Okay, well, you don’t have to be a dick about-” is as far as he got, before Cas surged forward to capture Dean’s lips with his own. It only took Dean a second to get with the program before he was kissing Castiel back, enthusiastically. It was everything he ever dreamed and so much more. Those gorgeous, perpetually chapped lips were somehow soft and plush and Dean took great joy in sucking the bottom one into his mouth. Dean heard Cas’ breath hitch as Dean’s fingers clenched lightly into Castiel’s hair. When Dean’s tongue brushed against Cas’, the angel let out a low groan, his gravelly voice making Dean’s body react in sinful ways. Castiel’s hands trailed down Dean’s sides before they anchored themselves at his hips. The kiss deepened, and the sounds of breathy gasps echoed in the room. It was only when Dean began to feel light headed that he had to pull away. Unlike Castiel, Dean actually needed to breathe.

Castiel’s smile was elated as Dean panted against his lips. “How’d you like them molecules?” Dean asked with a cocky grin and Castiel snickered.

“I’m not sure, I think I need to taste them again.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yes. I think I’d really like to test the molecules on your tongue against the molecules on your chest,” Castiel said, rather coyly.

Dean inhaled sharply. “Are you sure you’re ready for those molecules? Because you can totally try those another day, if you’re not.”

Castiel smile fondly at Dean before tugging at the hem of his Metallica tee shirt. “Dean, I’m ready. Believe me. I have been ready for so long, that I don’t even remember what it feels like _not_ to be ready.”

Dean nodded his head, and let Castiel draw the tee shirt up and over his body. Though Dean felt as though his skin was on fire, and everything in his mind was screaming for him to _lovetakefuck_ he made sure to let Castiel set the pace.

Cas’ shirt soon followed Dean’s, before he slowly climbed onto Dean’s lap. Dean forced himself to make his hands stay down, fingers clutching the comforter as Cas leaned in to give a tentative lick at the salty skin of his neck. Castiel gave a little hum of approval, before latching on and sucking gently. Dean knew there would be a bruise there, and he was more than happy to carry that mark.

When Cas dragged his fingernails down Dean’s chest and across his nipples, he couldn’t help the groan that escaped. Dean felt Cas smile against his neck as he began to kiss down his body. Dean had never felt as in tune with somebody, the way he was with Castiel. He was sure it had something to do with their bond, as every sensation, every feeling was intensified. His pleasure at Cas’ teeth nipping at his skin was projected to Cas and back at Dean in an intense, sensual feedback loop. Castiel tugged at Dean’s boxers, and dragged them down his legs, before standing up to remove the rest of his clothing. The fact that he did so manually, without the help of his grace, made the moment even more intimate.

Dean licked his lips as he saw Cas’ cock, thick and dripping, angled up towards his stomach. His desire must have been washing over Cas in waves, because the angels voice was like whiskey when he said, “You can touch me, Dean.”

That was all the invitation Dean needed before he sat up abruptly, and got on his knees. He tugged Cas in until he joined Dean on the bed, both kneeling, facing each other. Dean brought his right hand up to cup the back of Cas’ head, as he drew him in for another hot, languid kiss. His other hand trailed down Cas’ side, thumbing at his sharp hipbone, which made Cas moan into Dean's mouth. Dean wasn’t sure how he wasn’t _literally_ catching on fire, with the amount of electricity that he felt between their bodies. His emotions were all over the place, joyful to the point of tears, heart aching that this moment had finally come.

When their cocks brushed together, Dean and Cas gasped into each other’s mouths. Dean tentatively reached down, and Cas nodded against his lips, eyes shining with love and tears. At the first touch of Dean’s hand to Cas’ hard length, the angel’s head dropped back on a long groan. The head of his cock was weeping, making the slide of Dean’s fingers slick. Dean leaned forward to press a hot kiss against Castiel’s adam's apple as his hand continued to stroke.

Dean’s limbs were shaking, from his own desire and the overflow of Cas’ want. Suddenly, Dean’s breath was nearly knocked from him, as Castiel pushed him onto his back, and batted his hand away, so he could take Dean and himself in his own strong grip. The sweat and combined precome coating Cas’ palm made for a slick and tight channel for Dean to fuck into.

The sounds coming from both Dean and Castiel was a beautiful consonance of breathy sighs and hiccupping gasps and whispered _I love yous_.

“ _Cas! Fuck_. Cas, it’s too much...I feel,”

“I know, Dean. _Oh ol monons_ , I know.”

Dean could feel it building, the heat coiling tighter and tighter. He expected it to burst out of his fingers and his toes. There was a ringing in his ears, and then he was gasping for air as he came, suddenly and harsh.

“ _Ah, ah, ah, Cas_!”

Castiel groaned low and deep. “Close your eyes, Dean, Close.. _.aaahhh_ ,”

As Dean felt the heat of Cas’ release coat his his still pulsing shaft, he couldn’t have kept his eyes open if he tried. He sensed light, as he laid there, like when there was a lightening storm and you had blinked during the flash.The air felt like pure static and his limbs were tingling. Dean vaguely felt Cas collapse on him, but he was to blissed out to do more than place a hand on the small of the angel’s back.

“Holy shit,” Dean finally said and Cas snorted into his neck.

“How eloquent.”

“Shaddup. Hey, any chance that Sammy and my Mom didn’t hear any of that?”

“We can dream. Though all the broken light fixtures may tip them off.”

Dean lazily opened his eyes, to find Cas grinning down at him, a mischievous look on his gorgeous stubbled face “Nothing I can’t fix with a… “ Castiel gave a wave of his hand.

“Well, that’s handy. You wanna.. “ Dean gestured between them at the cooling mess between their stomachs.

“Of course, Dean.”

Clean and tangled together, Dean stroked his hands through Cas’ hair. “I love you,” he murmured.

“I love you, too,” Castiel whispered back, and Dean smiled, because he knew that when Cas felt his emotions, there was no more despair. Now there was only love and hope.

 

The End

**Author's Note:**

> Ol monons: My Heart


End file.
